Thoughts on Divorce and Name-Changing

On Divorce:

I think the divorce/separation rate is so high because we are from the "feel good generation".

"If you aren't happy, just leave!" That's what it seems like everyone thinks. If you can't handle lifelong commitment and going through periods when you aren't happy, then don't sign up for marriage.

Obviously, in Quebec this is exactly what people have done: "we’re not getting married because if we’re not happy in a couple of years, we want to be able to just split up and go our separate ways."

Wow, that's easy. Never having to commit to anything, being free to change their minds as they please! I think rather than making everyone happier, it does the opposite. It's just like raising children: they need a set of rules, a framework, in order to be happy. Letting them do whatever they want, being at their beck and call, not letting them cry, giving them everything they want doesn't make for a happier child.

On Name Changing:

I think this "being able to leave when you want" is part of the reason why there’s no name change in Quebec either, to make separation easier. That’s what I don’t like about not changing my name (even if that’s what I’ll probably do). I hate thinking (or having anyone else think) that I’m keeping my name "in case things don’t work out" and I have to change my name back.

But then again, my name is who I am, the name people know me as, and I don’t see why I should change my identity when I get married – and not him. Ok, it’s another way of announcing our status change, which I'm going to be happy to do. Except that I’m the only one that does it, which is why it’s unfair.

I do wish he had a more original name, though -then I would change mine to his. There are so many other KLs. Problem is, there are just as many KBs. Hyphenating my name would make it a more "unique" identifier, but it would make my name somewhat unwieldy. I haven’t made up my mind yet, but I’ll probably keep my name the way it is for official purposes, if only because of the laws in Quebec.

[EDIT 2010-02-01]

Still thinking about this name-changing thing...

See here for an interesting discussion on the subject. (Among many, many discussions on the Web!)

Her point is that, of the many options available to women, they ALL have significant drawbacks. Argh! So basically I'll just have to choose what is most important to me.