mardi 14 juin 2016

What Gentle Parenting Means To Me

I'm feeling inspired to write a little bit here after a conversation with an old friend yesterday. (Someone I did my undergrad with but who moved across the country after we graduated. We've only seen each other a few times since then but each time we do, there's no awkwardness, it's like we just saw each other the day before. I love friendships like that.) My friend, who has no children, was asking me questions about how I am raising my kids after I mentioned that I would have a hard time leaving them in a daycare that used time-outs. She was surprised, and I think I would have been, too, had I heard someone say that before I had children of my own. She said, "well, what do you do instead?" And I tried to summarize my parenting style succinctly but with difficulty. I said, well, time-outs are kind of an "easy solution" and a one-size-fits-all approach to solving problems, which isn't necessarily the most effective. What I do if my 3-year-old is "acting out" or having trouble dealing with his emotions (frustrations, anger, sadness, etc.) is to get down on his level and talk to him. I try to name his emotions for him since he's not quite able to do it himself yet. ("Reflection" is actually a communication skill that works well with adults, too!) And I ask him to try to come up with a solution to the problem himself. It's harder than just saying "go to your room!" It takes more time. It requires more involvement. It requires me stopping what I'm doing, which can be annoying. It doesn't give immediate "results." But it does foster a strong relationship between him and I, and that's my main goal. I told my friend I was just trying to parent in the best way I knew how. I told her that it turned out that there was a name for this gentle parenting style: "attachment parenting." She said the word "attachment" sounded negative to her - it made her think of clingy children! I was interested to learn that, and I value my friend's opinion enough to avoid using that term now. I think the best way of explaining how I try to parent is that I treat my kids as humans, like I would like to be treated. That means no belittling, shaming, punishing, etc. I often make parallels with how I react to my kids' cries with how I would like my husband/partner/friend to react. Just because, deep down, I think it's a ridiculous reason to be crying, doesn't mean that I can't empathize, and recognize that these are real emotions that they're feeling. They're not having a tantrum just to piss me off. They are having a tantrum because they are genuinely really upset about something, trivial though it may be. I can't imagine someone I love with all my heart ignoring me while I cry my heart out. I just can't. That's not ok. When people say "just ignore them when they're acting out" I feel like that's an awful thing to do. That does NOT mean that my kids get to do whatever they want, no rules, no consequences. The best analogy that I read was that I'm a fair, caring boss, and they are my employees. The fair, caring, boss listens to her employees, but when it comes down to it, she does make the final decision. But her employees know she always has their back, and they can always turn to her for help if they need it. That's the kind of relationship I want with my kids. I think that kids with a strong bond with their parents have more self-confidence later on. Knowing someone's always got your back does that. I may write more on this subject later...

jeudi 31 décembre 2015

2016 Intentions

The usual:
Ask more questions.
Drink more water.
Be more mindful. (i.e. stop wasting time on Facebook and get stuff done.)
Read more. Real books. Even if it's only 10 minutes here and there. 

I also want to keep going on this decluttering journey I've started. I'm not konmari-ing to the extreme, but I do want to own fewer possessions and have a simpler life.

In 2016, I'd like to start giving babywearing workshops again. And keep leading LLL meetings, whether in O or in H.

2015 year in review

January 2015
- gave more babywearing workshops
- published a babywearing article on an American blog
- spent NYE at Lison's because MB worked at Christmas
- spent an extra week in Rimouski after the holidays because of a gas leak at the airport
- was busy busy busy at work

February 2015
- was still crazy busy at work trying to finish stuff up before leaving
- gave more babywearing workshops
- worked on my LLL leader application
- soooooooo tired!

March 2015
- spent time helping Emily breastfeed her new baby
- gave a few more babywearing workshops
- attended my boss's retirement party
- started my mat leave five weeks in advance 

April 2015
- nested and spent time with X
- had a baby

May 2015
- MB went back to work
- first outing with both kids alone (he Great Glebe Garage Sale!)
- we lost our tenants, and found new ones (who ended up canceling on us at the last minute, at the end of July)

June 2015
- gave a presentation at the OBG Big Meetup
- spent time at the park with Crystal and Isla
- flew to the Georgian Bay to spend a week with Syb and Gail

July 2015
- came back exhausted from our "vacation"
- stayed mostly home, and went to the park, for the three weeks that MB was away
- went to Jazmine's wedding anniversary party
- went to Rimouski at the end of the month (chalet), did NOT have a good time

August 2015
- Ashleigh and Meaghan visit from NL!
- had M's tongue and lip ties revised
- mentioned moving to H to MB

September 2015
- visited houses in H
- bought a new house!
- became a LLL leader

October 2015
- packed up and moved to a different city!

November 2015
- unpack and then leave for three weeks in Halifax

December 2015
- visit to Rimouski
- early Christmas in H with family, and then Christmas Eve in Warwick. Dropped MB off at the airport on Christmas Day!

What a year!

mercredi 1 janvier 2014

2014 Intentions

Projects for 2014

-drink a different decaf hot beverage every morning/day
(different coffees, London fog, different teas...)
-transfer recipes to Paprika app
-make my own breakfast cereal
-try rock climbing
-become a LLL leader? 

-drink more water
-read more books!
-ask more questions (same goal as last yr and the yr before)
-clean up/pick up after myself more consistently
-make eating junk food a *special* occasion
-stop buying sugary cereal (make my own)
-make weekly meal plans
-help moms breastfeed and wear their babies

mercredi 18 septembre 2013

Les mots.

"Il ne faudrait pas dire qu'on «se bat contre le cancer» puisque effectivement, ça donne l'impression que les gens qui en décèdent ne se sont pas assez battus. Ce n'est pas vrai, ce n'est qu'une illusion de pouvoir."

- tiré d'un commentaire sur le texte "Les mots" dans Urbania. Texte partagé par MF.

lundi 1 avril 2013

52 Lists: Week One

Prompts from here:

"Words That Touch Your Soul"


mercredi 20 mars 2013

FW: "bisous de Papa"

From: Mathieu Bélanger []
Sent: Tuesday, December 11, 2012 12:21 PM
To: Kim Lacroix
Subject: Re: "bisous de Papa"

Envoie moi pas des affaires de même quand je suis en public: c'est gênant de partir à pleurer en pleine physio... :)

Le mardi 11 décembre 2012, Kim Lacroix a écrit :
Tellement cute comme idée : mettre 21 petits bonbons dans un pot pour que Xavier compte les jours jusqu'à ce que Papa revienne du travail!